Why is it when you are really happy with something, it is suddenly taken from you?  Why is it that when you're comfortable with something, it gets complicated after?  And, why is it when you are starting to build a great foundation in your friendship, that certain undetermined circumstances makes it difficult to continue?  These are just some of the questions that keep popping in my mind for the past two weeks.  But the weird thing is I know the answer...I guess, sometimes even though you know the answer to your question, once that problem or situation comes knocking at your door, you get a temporary memory lapse and you just poof, don't know what to do.  i guess, that once faced with a situation by far, you never expected that you'll encounter, it is better to hear the answer form other people/ advise from other people even though that at some point, you know it and you're even the one saying those things to your friends when they're the ones asking for advice.  Or probably, it feels good hearing it from others, and knowing the fact that you let go, confided with them and they listened to you. 

The problem is, I don't want to be selfish.  I know it's never a goodbye.  It'll only be two weeks and a friend of mine will leave.  Actually it supposed to be me,but I guess a little twist of fate turned things around.  I hate goodbyes, because it just brings pain in me, well, its just in my case.  I guess, certain circumstances in my past caused a trauma in me that ever since, i hated it...I just feel like its the end, although when I'm thinking rationally, I know it'll never be the end.  Sometimes when you just look someone turn their back at you and start walking, pictures just fade...that's what i see in goodbyes...i feel like its the start of things drifting away.  I know she's better of there, and that decision was also hard for her, I'm not mad at her, not at all.  But I can't help but cry, no matter how hard I try not to, tears just keep pouring out.  Its just that sadness is overflowing in me.  Things just keep popping in my head, like, am I a good friend? or why, why is it that she is taken away from me, like what happened in my past, with my older friends...its like history always repeats itself, I thought I'm already numb...since it "always" happens...but no, everytime, it gets even worse, more painful.

I know it is God's will...and He has planned this...for the better.  I just need help, take this pain I'm feeling.  Please God, help me understand more...help me conquer this pain and see the light.  Help me see Your reason...help clear my mind. 

Same sentiments here deary, most especially this line "But I can't help but cry, no matter how hard I try not to, tears just keep pouring out"... i guess god has a reason for all this.

Can i just say, I'm so sorry if i'm causing you and the team a whole lot of pain and sorrow, to the point it triggered you to think if you are a good friend. Actually you should not be thinking that. Deary see this in my perspective. When i see you, i see a person with such a nice soul and eyes that emit with such a nice light. To the point it makes me think, who am i to deserve you? Actually who am i to deserve such heaven sent people? I guess I must have done something really good to be your friend or to be part of this circle of friends. Pity those people who can't see the goodness and the beauty in you, pity those who "leave" you and most especially pity those who don't know you or don't even care to know you at all. They don't know what they are missing. One thing for sure, I would be missing a lot. I just feel so blessed for accepting me as your friend. I mean hey, i'm so fortunate enough to have you as my friend and plus i never expected you to be totally at ease with me when we first met. And whoever you claim to be as your "bestfriend," they're too damn lucky.

The past weeks were really filled of too much emotions. Too many random thoughts, it overwhelms me. If I could always choose my heart over my mind, I would, but reality bites. It totally sucks, just when everything falls into place, then all of a sudden everything gets all scrambled up. But hey you guys were always there to help me realize and aid me to put back the pieces in its rightful places.

And hey, you are seeing the light, actually you are one of those bright lights that I think only I can see when I look at you everyday, all you have to do is wipe away those tears. And all you can see is me smilin and giving you a big hug... No goodbyes awright?

A solemn promise that I can make... I'

sis...musta na...o damang dama ko ang sakit ng nararamdaman mo di bale sis..gagabayan ka ni Lord ipapakita Niya sa'yo ang nais Niyang ipahiwatig sa takdang panahon.

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