HappyApril Fools Day!!!
hug]
HAPpY EASTER at salamat sa bati
Luv yah too
...are you alright...i guess i miss something here...i keep coming and coming back here but still can't find a sign that you're here...
...i just want to think something...i hope you're too busy only nowadays...i'll just...
for you my dear friend...take care...
have a beautiful day.
hope u remember me today....i hope so....bcoz u know......im ur big big
jolly "me" u must click me so u will know who am i in ur life!!!!!
Why is it when you are really happy with something, it is suddenly taken from you? Why is it that when you're comfortable with something, it gets complicated after? And, why is it when you are starting to build a great foundation in your friendship, that certain undetermined circumstances makes it difficult to continue? These are just some of the questions that keep popping in my mind for the past two weeks. But the weird thing is I know the answer...I guess, sometimes even though you know the answer to your question, once that problem or situation comes knocking at your door, you get a temporary memory lapse and you just poof, don't know what to do. i guess, that once faced with a situation by far, you never expected that you'll encounter, it is better to hear the answer form other people/ advise from other people even though that at some point, you know it and you're even the one saying those things to your friends when they're the ones asking for advice. Or probably, it feels good hearing it from others, and knowing the fact that you let go, confided with them and they listened to you.
The problem is, I don't want to be selfish. I know it's never a goodbye. It'll only be two weeks and a friend of mine will leave. Actually it supposed to be me,but I guess a little twist of fate turned things around. I hate goodbyes, because it just brings pain in me, well, its just in my case. I guess, certain circumstances in my past caused a trauma in me that ever since, i hated it...I just feel like its the end, although when I'm thinking rationally, I know it'll never be the end. Sometimes when you just look someone turn their back at you and start walking, pictures just fade...that's what i see in goodbyes...i feel like its the start of things drifting away. I know she's better of there, and that decision was also hard for her, I'm not mad at her, not at all. But I can't help but cry, no matter how hard I try not to, tears just keep pouring out. Its just that sadness is overflowing in me. Things just keep popping in my head, like, am I a good friend? or why, why is it that she is taken away from me, like what happened in my past, with my older friends...its like history always repeats itself, I thought I'm already numb...since it "always" happens...but no, everytime, it gets even worse, more painful.
I know it is God's will...and He has planned this...for the better. I just need help, take this pain I'm feeling. Please God, help me understand more...help me conquer this pain and see the light. Help me see Your reason...help clear my mind.